Disturbing The Silence in The Garden
by SiriuslySexy
Summary: Sirius thinks things over as he sits in Remus' garden. Feelings of jealousy, betrayal, and loneliness bubble to the surface and he's unsure of what to do with them. Remus decides to help Sirius in the way only he could.


_Aquarius (Jan. 21 — Feb. 19)_

Clarity allows you to evaluate every development with real discrimination and to know instantly what needs to be done rather than facing a nebulous array of options. Certain priorities are about to get sorted

_Scorpio (Oct. 24 — Nov. 22)  
_  
There is an understandable temptation to complain about a irritating factor in your life, but little will be gained by discussing it. You'll soon discover that your situation is less urgent than you think.

* * *

Sirius lay flat on his back with his feet resting a little up the trunk of the old willow tree in the Lupin's long, narrow garden. The tree was situated near the bottom and around the corner where the grassy slopes curved, meaning it could not be seen from the house. The bright sun, which spread across his naked torso, occasionally disappeared under the odd cloud and a strong wind blew away any heat that may have fallen on Sirius' chest. Their Seventh Year Easter Half Term had only just begun but already Sirius couldn't wait to get back to school. It wasn't that he felt uncomfortable with Remus; it was the fact that once again he was relying on charity from one of his friends. He waited for the day when he could repay them.

If Sirius had had his way he wouldn't even be staying with the Lupin's in the first place; he would be back at Potter mansion enjoying some time alone, but Mrs Potter would never hear of it. She was too worried that Sirius might get lonely (or, more likely, set fire to the house after a host of wild parties.) He was actually invited to join the Potter's on holiday to Dubai - in fact they had _insisted_ he came with them but he politely refused. He couldn't possibly let them take him on such an expensive holiday on top of everything they had already done for him. And besides, Lily was going, and he didn't particularly feel like playing third wheel for the entire two weeks.

Sirius stared up at the clouds, searching to find a shape among the drifting wisps floating across the sky. He began to wonder. He thought about the possible reasons why James hadn't flooed him yet, even though he said he would as soon as they arrived. He questioned why Peter hadn't turned up for lunch, even though it was Saturday and he knew Mrs Lupin always made chocolate cake on Saturdays, it was Peter's favourite. Sirius wasn't sure how to feel about this. He knew Peter had never exactly promised to come over but he had just assumed it was an unspoken rule that when there was chocolate cake to be eaten, Peter would be there. He began to realise that the things he had assumed for the past seven years would soon have to be forgotten.

Sirius rubbed his hands over his face and turned his head to the right. His eyes almost immediately focused on Remus' and it was apparent that Remus had been looking at him for some time. Sirius suppressed the strange noise his throat was begging to make and forced himself to look down, his eyes resting on Remus' book which had its bookmark in and was set on the ground beside him. The pages seemed still, as was the squashed grass beneath it implying that the book had been untouched for a while. Remus was running his fingers over a set of scars that ran across the top of his left wrist. He traced them from his forearm up past the fold of his wrist to where they almost spilled over onto the top of his hand. It was a habit he had began to do when he was concentrating. The almost absent thought of how he received them seemed to help focus his mind somehow.

"I've got a set of those down here," said Sirius jabbing a thumb towards his thigh. "From when you swiped your claws across Padfoot's backside."

Remus started a little, almost as if he'd just realised Sirius had turned around to face him. Or maybe it was because they had been sitting in silence for the past hour, and the sudden deep tones of Sirius' voice seemed almost to be intruding the quiet of the air and the garden itself.

Remus sat up a little straighter and paused for a moment before rolling his eyes.

"Sirius, if your incessant moaning hadn't brought it to my attention that I've scarred you, then the naked body you shove in my face every time you happen to be getting naked - which is _a lot_ as it happens - would be enough to burn that image into my head forever." Remus gave a weak laugh that turned into a cough as he attempted to hide the fact he was laughing at his own joke.

Sirius gave a little laugh and continued to smile as he looked back up at the sky, scratching his stomach as he did so. They lapsed into silence again as Remus leaned his back against the tree and fiddled with a strand of thread that was hanging from the leg of Sirius' shorts.

The garden sounds filled their ears. A variety of bird songs floated trough the air from the small forest that backed onto the garden, separated only by a low fence. Scrabbling could be heard in the leaves as some tiny creature scurried along. It was followed by a rather more significant leaf crunching as Remus' cat, Hans Christian, stomped past obviously stalking the small animal.

The slight pull on the bottom of his shorts had almost been acting as a pleasant distraction for Sirius as he attempted to banish certain thoughts from his mind. He wanted to voice his anger at James for not only putting up no real fight when Sirius decided not to go on the holiday, but also for inviting Lily in the first place. Plenty of girls like Lily were sure to come and go, but _he_ would be there forever. Sometimes he thinks that James forgets this. Sirius can't ever imagine shunning his friends for a girl. Even in the past when he'd had what Remus called his "Short-Stay-Sally's," he made sure that his friends were top priority. After all, if he fobbed off whatever girl he was meant to be meeting it was no real loss, she could be replaced by the ten other girls fighting for the place. His friends had always meant more to him. Though now it appeared he was the only one who went by these standards. Even Peter, who was the most consistent person he knew, was making Sirius feel slightly abandoned.

Sirius felt Remus' stare bore into him once more, but did not look up. Instead he lowered his legs into Remus' lap shifting to get comfortable. After a few more minutes of silence, Remus spoke.

"He didn't forget," said he quietly as he clasped both hands and placed them on Sirius' legs.

Sirius shook his head still staring at the sky which seemed to have grown dark quite quickly without his noticing.

"Don't make excuses for him, Moony. He's with Lily. I get it."

"No, I don't think you do," said Remus frowning a little, his voice laced with concern.

Sirius leant up on his elbows looking at Remus who leaned his head to the side to meet Sirius' quizzical stare straight on.

"I owled him and asked him not to check in. Peter, too."

Sirius made to move his legs off Remus' lap. Remus held on.

"Sirius, I think you need to wise up to the fact that James is hopelessly in love with Lily, and has, by some miracle, found himself the recipient of the same feelings. The more you sit and worry about it the worse it will be for you. Until you simply accept this fact I don't think you're going to be happy."

"I'm perfectly happy, thank you very much. At least I would be if you just gave me my legs back," said Sirius, trying to be playful but realising the harsh tones that he accidentally spoke in as he, again, made an attempt to move his legs. But Remus gripped them with more force and pulled on Sirius' ankles causing him to slide a little across the patch of dirt and grass beneath the tree - and closer towards Remus. He opened his mouth to protest but Remus silenced him with a firm look and a raised hand.

"I know keeping quiet all afternoon must have been killing you. I noticed the storm brewing behind your eyes immediately, but I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of asking what was wrong. The fact that you didn't bring up the subject even once in the hours we've been sitting here, means that you've been torturing yourself analysing everything in your mind. I also know that you're itching for the moment when I go to bed so that you can hop on your bike and go and ask James in person 'what his bloody problem is'."

Sirius huffed and picked up a leaf, beginning to pull it apart in sections. Not only had his plan been foiled, but now Remus thought he knew what Sirius was thinking. The thing was he _did_ know what Sirius was thinking, and that always amazed him. Sirius tried not to think of how lonely he would feel once they had all left Hogwarts. He pushed the niggling feelings of sadness to the back of his mind and gave a small nod to Remus to confirm his suspicions.

Remus smiled, as the small edges of doubt were smoothed away. He feared that sometimes he was too confident in his knowledge as to what Sirius was thinking, but apparently not this time.

"Listen, it's the same kind of thing with Peter. He's coming round to the idea that after we leave Hogwarts things are going to change. His mother, no doubt, has pointed out to him that he needs new friends; friends that can help him with his career; friends that he will be useful to after school is over."

Sirius abandoned the leaf and flopped back to the ground. The sky was suddenly a lot darker now. He could see a faint outline of the moon, barely half way though its cycle. Remus slapped Sirius' foot gently.

"It's just how things happen. You're not losing anyone, things just have to change. Don't worry," said Remus and he slouched further down the tree trunk. "We're always gonna be here." His voice was soothing, almost soft with a hint of underlying strength. He only ever talked like this with Sirius. Well, Sirius was the only one he ever _could _talk to like this.

"I know, it's just," Sirius sighed trying to explain how he felt. He decided there wasn't a way he could put so many conflicting emotions into words. He thought he'd give it a go anyway. "It's just that James is such a-"

Remus leant forwards and gently pushed his hand over Sirius' mouth. Sirius' plan of babbling until he made sense was quickly lost.

"He's just nothing. Anything you say about James… or Peter for that matter, isn't gonna change it. Just relax. The time will come when it comes."

Sirius wiggled his mouth free of Remus' palm.

"What about you?"

"What _about_ me?"

"What's gonna change you?" Sirius took his legs off Remus' lap, this time without any resistance, and sat up on his knees so he was level with Remus. Remus looked into the face of the kneeling boy in front of him. Sirius' eyes were calm, but a red tint played across his cheeks. Remus took a deep breath as he felt his heart beat a little faster.

"Nothing." His reply was almost lost between his lips as Sirius pressed his mouth against Remus'. Sirius' lips were plump and soft and gentle and Remus leaned in further as Sirius placed a hand on Remus' knee. They pulled away from each other silently, resting their foreheads together.

"There's nothing in the world that could change _me_ with _you_, Moony."

"I know," said Remus, his words once again in danger of vanishing as he disappeared into Sirius's warm kiss.


End file.
